Portuguese Health Warning

Smoking in Portugal has declined since the nature and content of warnings on cigarette packets was broadened in line with new EU guidelines

After all, who would want to continue smoking once they had been informed that smoking results in blocked arteries, can provoke cardiac attacks ............. and worst of all, apparently also causes severe flatulence?

(unless this is a side effect only caused by menthol cigarettes?)

Smutty Portuguese Monastry History

Nice.

I wonder where he "produced" his "huge organ" from though ?

And what did the Choir think of it all ?

Especially those sitting on the left ?

Useful Warning Signs

When boarding or leaving carriages on the Lisbon Metro, men with unfeasibly large love truncheons should take care to avoid getting caught in the sliding doors.

Portuguese Restaurant Soundtrack

The following songs are all available on the "Portuguese Restaurant Sounds, Part III"

"You Cod be Mine" - Guns & Roses
"Bacalhau (hau-hau, push pineapple shake the tree)" - Black Lace
"I Cod never take the Plaice of your Ham" - Prince
"Cod it be Magic?" - Take That (Cod, please..)
"With Cod on our Side" - Cod Dylan
"Bacalhau in the USSR" - The Beatles
"Oh My Cod" - Kaiser Chiefs
"Bacalhau for Good" - Take That (Cod again please...)
"Cod Only Knows" - The Beach Boys
"Police on my Bacalhau" - The Clash
"Milk & Alcohol (& Cod)" - Dr Feelcod
"Bacalhau Deep is Your Love?" - The Bee Gees
"Gimme Gimme Gimme" (a Cod after Midnight) - Abba
"Cod Vibrations" - The Beach Boys
"I Feel Cod" - James Brown Trout

Make your own restaurant here

Eat anything else at your peril

Manna from Heaven

Manna - as written in the Bible, a food which dropped from heaven and prevented Moses and his people from dying of hunger in the desert.

Also used generically to describe any spiritual nourishment of divine origin, or sometimes (as in "manna from heaven" used to signify something of great value that a person receives unexpectedly.

"Manna" - also used in Portugal as the brand name for sardine paste.

Not exactly "from Heaven".

Personally, it would involve a tough decision if it were a choice of eating it and dying of starvation.

And, in Portugal, as any diner would testify, its hardly something you would ever say you received "unexpectedly".

At least its not cod paste...

Patio Furniture - US Style

Another "yes, it is for real" image take by me.

Scottsdale, Phoenix Arizona.

And the "since 1988" as a vague attempt to make them look like a serious, established reputable company is the cherry on top, isn't it...

Dwarfs in Ancient Egypt

There was a "news"* story recently on the BBC website about how scientists have discovered that dwarfs were respected, and their lack of height was not regarded as either a disability or a social hindrance in Ancient Egypt. Which is good, and a big hoorah for the Egyptians!

The full article is available here.

One line stood out for me however:

"Ancient Egyptians worshipped dwarf gods, and many dwarfs held positions of authority in households. "

Or, to highlight it further -

"many dwarfs" ?

say it again?

"many" ?

Lets face it, "many" isn't a word normally applied to describe multiple dwarfs.

I think the word they actually were looking for was "seven"

(* "news" is not exactly how I would describe the discovery of something that some people used to think 4,000 years ago. Probably.)

Supermarket Checkout Assistants

How come Supermarket Checkout staff are among the lowest paid workers in Britain,


yet whenever I try and use the self-service checkouts they seem to be the most fiendishly complex pieces of technology ever invented by mankind ??

"INCORRECT ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA !!!!!"

"REMOVE THE ITEM FROM THE BAGGING AREA !!!!!!"

"SET PHASERS ON STUN !!!!"

"HASTA LA VISTA BABY !!!"

"DIE DIE DIE USELESS HUMANS!!!

"YOUR TIME ON EARTH IS NOW DONE!!"

" MAKE WAY FOR THE MACHINE MASTER RACE!!"

How hard can it be to operate a bar-code scanner. Well, now we know. Effing Hard.

Checkout operators??? Pahhh!

More like "I got bored of nuclear physics, and my hand-eye co-ordination is so un-naturally good the Chinese ping-pong team cited me for drug abuse" super-beings. These people aren't paid enough for the work they do, they are the elite of the entire workforce.

Why don't they ever smile? I though it was because they had spent all day engaged in a soul destroying menial repetitive task being paid peanuts, but in fact that dour, blank expression is clearly the outward manifestation of some zen-like form of hyper-concentration.

Please join me in committing never to plonk down a "next customer please" toblerone-style intra-shopping barrier with any lack of respect again.



(as a total aside, I cheekily snipped this picture from the Ireland-wide Supermarket website for "Super-Valu" supermarket. Great name anyway, but doesn't Brian Hurley - the manager in this photo - look like Andy from Little Britain ?)

Milanese Christmas Decorations

I'm not entirely sure if this is an example of cultural misunderstanding, or whether we had accidentally drifted into the wrong part of town without noticing....



....or maybe its just me ?

The Sophisticated European Drinking Culture

The recent change in UK licensing laws to allow 24-hour opening for pubs, bars and restaurants is intended to usher in a new era of pavement cafes and relaxed, sober punters sipping 1 or 2 glasses of wine each evening - and an end to last-orders madness and "12-pints-a-night" lager frenzies.

This is the so-called Sophisticated European Drinking Culture, as seen in Paris, Madrid and Milan.

So what's the most popular and fashionable drink in the bars of Milan right now ?

9% ABV Tennents Super - ON DRAUGHT!!!!

As recommended by that well known sophisticated European, the Camden Tramp...