Sewn Up Pockets On Mens Jackets

When you buy a new jacket the pockets are usually sewn up. This is apparently because the jacket will hang better, and therefore look better if the pockets are sealed.

You could argue that pockets that arent open, and a jacket - with pockets - that looks better without them, are both examples of products being sold that are not fit for purpose.

Imagine if the jacket logic was applied to cars for example

" yes sir, this Ferrari does have brakes, but we disabled them as it looks a lot better for the Ferrari brand if you don't brake for corners."

Posted with LifeCast

Carpet Shop Sales

Every carpet shop in the country - and probably the world - works on the basis that huge day-glo signs in the window advertising

SALE! SALE NOW ON!

HUGE SAVINGS ACROSS THE STORY!!

CARPET-TASTIC BARGAINS GALORE!!

Now, I'm no expert but surely carpets are things that you buy erm, when

1. your old one is worn out,
2. you spilt something really bad on the last one
3. you redecorate the house and the colour no longer fits

To my mind, none of these are really situations where the presence of a "SALE !!" is going to prompt you into action.

"Hey Brenda - there's a sale on at World of Carpets today s0 hurry up and chuck that glass of red wine on the floor over there pet!"

"50% off at Carpet Zone - stone me, thats fantastic AND unusual - get the roller out Kevin, I know we were going on a 2 week holiday to St Lucia, but this is just too good a chance to miss - we'll be redecorating the lounge this fortnight instead!"

And surely everyone in the world has realised that the sale runs for the best part of 365 days per year, so whats the point in offering the kind of call-to-action incentive to "buy now" that a wild sale represents anyway?

I suppose technically they must have a day or so where things aren't on sale, or they;d be nailed by trading standards for offering "made up discounts"... now, that must be a grim day for Mr Carpet Salesman mustn't it...?

Pregnant Women

Ever noticed how pregnant women absent-mindedly stroke their "bumps" every now and then?

It's clearly some sort of subconscious reaction, which probably signifies that they are trying to establish a maternal bond with their as-yet unborn child... either that or they are subconsciously weighting up whether they could get away without going on a diet ever again.

Old people

Where do old people buy trainers (sneakers?). Those shinky-clean white ones that look like little vinyl dogen cars strapped to their feet?

Whenecer I try and buy a pair of trainers to wear down the gym, I struggle to find any which are toned-down enough for me to wear to actually do sports - most seem to have day-glo stripes, wild laces, and odd splashes of colour all over them - never mind soles that look like they have been ripped out of the underside of a high-tech aircraft undercarriage.

But old people seem to be able to effortlessly find shoes that are so clearly devoid of any sort of sporting style or potential that it looks as if its been sucked out of them with a vacuum pump.

Maybe there is secret "Old Folks Sneaker Barn" somewhere that sells sports shoes for the nearly dead? It also must have the worlds supply of shell suits - as you can't even buy them anymore from a dodgy scouser dole-ite, except if you are old...

Listerine

Listerine has on it's instructions the note

"do not swig from the bottle"

Now, if you've ever used a mouthwash, I'm guessing you swigged from the bottle. That's what you do. That's how it is used. By everyone.

Saying "do not swig from the bottle" is like Porsche selling cars with notices saying "do not drive fast or overtake in this product" It's like expecting an MP not to fiddle their expenses.

Why not just cut to the chase and have on the label "if this product doesn't work like we promised, well tough cheese as we had our fingers crossed behind our backs when we said it would make your breath smell better and your teeth last longer. Nah Nah Nah Naaaah stoopid!!!"

Swine Flu

Isn't it strange that the World Health Organisations response to the threat of a Swine Flu epidemic was to call a conference of Health Ministers and Flu experts?

Because for me, bringing a group of people who work with flu sufferers in different hospitals all around the world, and then locking them in an air conditioned room for 2 days doesn't sound all that clever right now...

Somali Pirates

Pirates are roaming the high seas again, stealing oil tankers on a daily basis.

The world response seems to fall into two categories. Either pay the ransom, or send in "special forces" to rescue the stolen vessels.

But neither of these are paticularly satisfactory, as one involves giving in to these pirate's demands, and the other involves risk to the lives of the crew of the stolen vessels.

I feel even the most cursory quick glimpse at the history books would throw up a third, far better option. Because, being Pirates, its obvious that if left alone for some time they will be looking to bury their loot on a desert island somewhere.

So rather than pay the ransom, just find the treasure - and dig it up later, once they have gone!

Its not even like you'd need to "find" a tattered old map at the bottom of a trunk that once belonged to your Great Uncle Silas to get directions to the island is it - as we are hardly talking about a chest of dubloons that can ne hidden beneath the third palm tree from the left?

No need even for deployment of satellite tracking technology - I'm sure even a brief glimpse at an atlas would throw up a very short list of the number of palm fringed beaches in the world where you could succesfully bury a whole oil tanker?

Today's Superhero's

If Superman, Batman, or Spiderman were around in the real world today, imagine how difficult their lives would have become.

In the good old days, they'd swoop down from tall buildings and save the girl, biff the robbers stealing money from a bank, and foil the evil mastrermind's plot to take over the world.

But today to achieve the same results they'd probably have to plan and execute a nationwide media campaign warning young women of the health dangers of excessive alcohol consumption and exposure to the UV rays in sunlight, set up a truly effective and inclusive global banking oversight committee with a failsafe system of checks and balances which would not undermine the ability of such insititutions to attract top tier talent even though their bonus cultures would be being radically redrawn, and also reform the industrial manufacturing capacity of India, China, Russia and the US in a manner which greatly reduced carbon emissions without significantly putting up manufacturing costs or creating social unrest as a by-product of mass unemployment caused by the increased manufacturing efficiencies of bringing in new technologies.

And they'd have to try and get people to take them seriously whist doing all this wearing a lycra bodysuit.

The New Dyson Ball

The new Dysaon Ball vacuum cleaner advert is available to see below:

Now, this is of course very clever sounding stuff.

However last time I looked, most (well, in fact all) the rooms in my house were pretty much "square". Straight walls. 90 degree corners.

In fact, I've just gone and checked, and there is not a single curved wall or floor -based surface in the whole place.

So why is it a problem if my vacuum cleaner goes in straight lines?

Of course, its impossible to criticize Mr Dyson, as he is already recognised as a bona-fide British Genius.

But you do have to ask what sort of genius really...

Manufacturing a bagless vacuum cleaner is one thing.

But making one that is only really suitable for Lighthouse Keepers, and then persuading the rest of us that we simply MUST have one in our homes as well - now, that takes REAL genius!

Whats the point of this offer ?

Two for one on WD40 !!

Who needs TWO cans of WD40?

One can is enough to last a lifetime.

The only reason anyone owns two cans is because they lost one, needed to oil something, and then found the original can after they'd gone out and bought a new one.

Trying to sell two cans of WD40 as a special offer is like having a "buy one get one free" offer on artificial legs, but only redeemable against left legs.