Monday, October 19, 2009

Al Quaida cashflow issues

Just thinking about my previous post, in today's highly competitive job-seekers economy maybe other people have also spotted this news?

Maybe as we speak ex-Lehman Brothers managers are busily composing emails to be sent to Osama Bin laden (via his LinkedIn account).

"Dear Mr Bin Laden

I recently read that your organisation was experiencing somewhat of a cashflow issue in recent months, and as a result I wish to make you aware of my experience and qualifications which may allow me to be of assistance, and to therefore enquire whether there is a possibility of taking up a permanent post within your organisation.

In my most recent post with Lehman Brothers I was responsible for generating vast sums of money almost quite literally out of thin air, with only a computer screen for assistance. This sort of experience and skillset I feel would undoubtedly be of value to Al Quaida given that many other ways of raising money which require more conventional business assets such as a substantial staff, manufacturing base or other infrastructure may prove difficult to attain and maintain in Afghanistan right now, what with the lack of power, water, buildings and people due to US air strikes, remote drones and repeated artillery and ground attacks by a variety of western army personnel.

Given access to the appropriate level of initial investment I am sure I could quickly establish Al Quaida as a leading force in the international money markets, and due to the differential trading schedules this project could be undertaken only during the open house of the UK and US stockmarkets, leaving you free to continue to use your webcam and email account to record and disseminate messages to your worldwide PR list of media outlets in the remaining 8-10 hours per day.

My experience with Lehman Brothers following the near collapse of a number of Western economies has also direct relevance to assuming a post with your organisation, as as an investment banker I have during the last 12 months gained substantial experience of being fiercely persecuted by the entire Western media and also many Governments, yet like yourself I too still have managed to avoid being subject to any legal process or period of incarceration.

I have attached a copy of my CV, which lists my previous employment, my hobbies (I have recently developed an interest in both mountain climbing and caving) and I have also attached a covering note which goes into more depth on my personal role in the near collapse of Western Society - a subject which I understand is of keen personal interest to you also.

I look forward for hearing from you in due course.

Your sincerely

Mr Banker"

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Al Quaida short of cash?

Al Quaida are running short of money according to CIA.

Maybe they should move to paying their suicide bombers salaries a month in arrears instead of a month in advance ..?