Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Portuguese Roadsign Madness II

Someone has it in for me....

The reputation of this website had spread far and wide, and as a result I now found myself banned from a number of streets in Central Lisbon during the hours of darkness.

Monday, January 30, 2006

London Underground Job Cuts

If London Underground does - as many union officials fear - cut jobs and redeploy more of its workforce to more "visible positions", what will happen to all the current staff with bizzarre and extreme hairstyles?

With the demise of the nationalised railway system in the UK, the Tube is one of the last refuges for manically barnetted individualists.

Double-cover supervisors, platform staff, Ticket Office personnel, and even drivers, all seem to have bizzarre hairstyles as a condition of employment

If many of these people lose their jobs, what will become of them?

Surely they cant ALL become Postmen ???

Friday, January 27, 2006

Portuguese Health Warning II

The new government campaign was particularly aimed at reducing use of the more dangerous methol cigarettes.

Menthols had as a result become known colloquially as "The Mother of All Ciggies".

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Airport Shopping

Who decides what shops there are in airport waiting lounges?

I can understand Duty Free - cheap fags and booze, makes sense.

Bookshops, Newsagents - yes, something to read on the plane.

Souvenir shops selling t-shirts and mugs tastefully displaying skylines and maps of wherever you are leaving - yup, you forgot to buy that present for a loved one, but here is your salvation.

Sunglasses Hut - big tick!

World of Cameras? - yep, it fits.

But Luggage shops? Who decided they would be a good idea?

I can understand Chemists - "oops, I forgot to pack the aspirin", or "I need some new shaving gel".

But who gets to an airport and realizes they have forgotten their SUITCASE ???

"Oh - I've been carrying this big bundle of clothes around like a dork - I just knew I had forgotten something...",

"Hmmm - I did think it was a little weird how strangers kept chasing me and then handing me odd socks and bits of my own underwear"

"Well, she said do you have any cases to check in - I should have realised she meant me to check in their CONTENTS as well !"

Go Figure!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Bombay Sapphire Gin

..is an imported drink in India.

From the FAQ at http://www.bombaysapphire.com/Default.aspx

Q: "Where is the BOMBAY SAPPHIRE distillery located?"
A: "BOMBAY SAPPHIRE is distilled in Cheshire in the north of England"

Maybe the closure of the Boddingtons brewery was actually because brewing has now been outsourced to Hyderabad...?

Friday, January 13, 2006

Bird Flu - are scientists protecting us ?

More drugs, quicker funds promised at bird flu talks
Fri Jan 13, 2006 3:00 PM GMT

The above story appeared on the Reuters news board today.

Are YOU not concerned that the scientists attending the world congress on this threat are all apparently taking drugs - and openly demanding more "fixes" - during the conference ?

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

And then visit an all night petrol station for some Monster Munch.

And a Kit-Kat.

(preferrably the orange special edition one)

Portuguese Health Warning

Smoking in Portugal has declined since the nature and content of warnings on cigarette packets was broadened in line with new EU guidelines

After all, who would want to continue smoking once they had been informed that smoking results in blocked arteries, can provoke cardiac attacks ............. and worst of all, apparently also causes severe flatulence?

(unless this is a side effect only caused by menthol cigarettes?)

Friday, January 06, 2006

Smutty Portuguese Monastry History


I wonder where he "produced" his "huge organ" from though ?

And what did the Choir think of it all ?

Especially those sitting on the left ?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Useful Warning Signs

When boarding or leaving carriages on the Lisbon Metro, men with unfeasibly large love truncheons should take care to avoid getting caught in the sliding doors.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Portuguese Restaurant Soundtrack

The following songs are all available on the "Portuguese Restaurant Sounds, Part III"

"You Cod be Mine" - Guns & Roses
"Bacalhau (hau-hau, push pineapple shake the tree)" - Black Lace
"I Cod never take the Plaice of your Ham" - Prince
"Cod it be Magic?" - Take That (Cod, please..)
"With Cod on our Side" - Cod Dylan
"Bacalhau in the USSR" - The Beatles
"Oh My Cod" - Kaiser Chiefs
"Bacalhau for Good" - Take That (Cod again please...)
"Cod Only Knows" - The Beach Boys
"Police on my Bacalhau" - The Clash
"Milk & Alcohol (& Cod)" - Dr Feelcod
"Bacalhau Deep is Your Love?" - The Bee Gees
"Gimme Gimme Gimme" (a Cod after Midnight) - Abba
"Cod Vibrations" - The Beach Boys
"I Feel Cod" - James Brown Trout

Make your own restaurant here

Eat anything else at your peril

Monday, January 02, 2006

Manna from Heaven

Manna - as written in the Bible, a food which dropped from heaven and prevented Moses and his people from dying of hunger in the desert.

Also used generically to describe any spiritual nourishment of divine origin, or sometimes (as in "manna from heaven" used to signify something of great value that a person receives unexpectedly.

"Manna" - also used in Portugal as the brand name for sardine paste.

Not exactly "from Heaven".

Personally, it would involve a tough decision if it were a choice of eating it and dying of starvation.

And, in Portugal, as any diner would testify, its hardly something you would ever say you received "unexpectedly".

At least its not cod paste...