Monday, August 08, 2005

Global Warming

Global Warming is a "Big Thing" Its in the news. There's lots of confusion about it. It clearly needs its own conspiracy theory.

And here it is:

Global Warming is a conspiracy cooked up by the Norwegians and the Dutch.

Their Motives - Oil & Money

Both need to keep the oil flowing....

Norway - Only Saudi Arabia and Russia export more oil. Norways GDP is 35% funded by offshore oil. Of the rest of the economy, Fishing is highly important too. (Write this down, it will become important later..)

Holland - Shell, or as it used to be known, Royal Dutch Shell. They are clearly trying to hide something... And there is also a chain of service stations in Ohio called "Holland Oil". And a range of "oil" paints called Old Holland . In fact, many of the Dutch Masters used to paint in Oils. Could it be any clearer ?

How They Will Benefit

Norway - as well as the money from oil, Norway is 324,220 sq km with only 4.5 million people - its lots of space, no people. Most of that land is currently unusable, because its either too damn cold, hidden under a glacier, of half way up a near vertical cliff.

When the seas rise and the glaciers melt, Norway loses hardly any land at all - its all cliffs at the coast! So the whole place suddenly becomes a real estate paradise - stunning landscapes, massive increase in usable land, a temperate paradise as everywhere else turns to desert or drowns - and surprise, surprise, its really expensive already! Imagine what process will be like when millions of people are desperate for safety from the rising waters..?

And remember the Fishing? In a world with less land and more sea, fishing suddenly sounds like a pretty clever thing to be good at, eh? And with lots more sea to hide in, and lots more things for environmentalists to worry about, they can get away with hunting whales as often and as much as they like!

Holland - as well as Shell, Holland is famous for, erm, drugs... And building dykes to keep the sea out. Nearly 50% of Holland already is protected from flooding by dykes ! Given the Dutch all speak about 10 languages perfectly, and are well known as a trading, traveling nation, you'd think that the better solution to "oh no, my house is underwater!" would be to move abroad ? But no, the Dutch have been researching dyke building and preventing floods since the 19th Century - which all of a sudden seems like a fairly saleable skill in tomorrows world...

Can this be co-incidence? Well, consider their neighbours - Belgium. Also in the Low Countries. Also they speak Dutch (well, some of them). Have they felt the need to build dykes and reclaim land like mad? No - they are experts in making waffles and eating chips with Mayonnaise. Arguably more fun, but a lot less likely to stop you from drowing in the 21st century..

Extra Evidence?

Norway - All their houses are made of wood...So they will be able to just float them up the mountains as the waters rise!

Holland - The Dutch are already the worlds tallest people, and they are still growing. And its again not luck - its down to government action in deliberately providing nutritious free school meals and a high standard of healthcare. All so when it starts to get waist deep in water all over the world, your average Dutch guy is laughing all the way to the bank (of the dyke..).

Summary

The Dutch and Norwegians are in favor of global warming. They both make lots of money from selling oil, and they have both been planning for generations how best to take advantage of a world with rising sea levels.

QED!


2 comments:

Jason said...

What utter rubbish. Global warming is simply down to the decline in numbers of pirates, as this website clearly shows... www.venganza.org

Anonymous said...

The whole World has gone MAD!!! The figures for CO2 emissions are manipulated politicaly, CO2 is NOT a driver for our weather system here on Earth. The largest influence comes from the Sun, then cosmic rays, then clouds. The amount of Human produced CO2 is measured in hundredths of a percent of the total CO2 in our atmosphere.
Global warming is a natural cycle over hunreds, thousands and millions of years!!!