Smoothies

Now, as a modern man, having a pureed fruit based drink isn't in itself a problem for me.

Ordering one says "I care about my health"

It says "I know the government guidelines and I am trying to have my 5 portions a day"

It says "I have the originality to order something that is not coffee or tea"

It says "I am not a slave to corporate global marketing and Ican choose not to buy overpriced branded soft drinks sweetened with excessive amounts of sugar"

However, there is still something that I struggle with.

When I get to the counter and survery the list of ingredients up on the board , its relatively easy to choose the one I actually want even though the choices are legion.

But often I end up ordering something I don't really want, just because it's the only one one onffer with a name I would be prepared to hear myself speak in public...

After all, who wants to ask for a "Peachy Smooch", or a "Summer Passion Burst" - or a "Creamey Delight" ??

How about "Hello, I'd like a Tropical Dream please" ? You may as well admit you also have a paid of George Michael white speedos in your back pocket ...

Even worse are those that try to be constructive. The type you get in those healthy shops where you can add blended grass to your drink, and all the customers fight over the copy of the Guardian on Saturday magazine. Why in the middle of such a place would you publicly admit you want to buy something called a "Go Faster Master" or a "Brain Booster" ??

If you ask for a Brain Booster as a take-away it's basically exactly like asking the shop assistant to short change you.... as you will be half way down the street by the time it kicks in and you realise.