Breakfast - why?

The British seem to the the only nation in Europe to favour the "full-English" style hot food fryup for breakfast.

The French occasionally heat up the odd croissant, but its hardly griddle-fresh bacon, sausage, eggs and a fried slice.

The Spanish may push the boat out with a touch of egg & potato based warm tortilla, but it's not "fried, scrambled, poached or boiled sir?" is it?

The Scandinavians basically have a platter of museli, and if they are feeling especially adventurous they spread it on some bread made from cardboard and museli.

But the most puzzling of all are the Germans. Becasue they are basically museli, with a bit of stale bread and - if you are lucky - a thin slice of processed ham and a marginally thicker slice of rubberized cheese.

For a nationality who's culinary approach to every other mean of the day seems to be "we'll have hot grilled, fried or boiled meat for starters, and mains, and desert, and we will have all three with a side order of hot boiled, griled or fried meat on the side please" how did they miss the possibility of a hot meat based breakfast?

Doh!

Air-conditioned bus shelters for Dubai

From Gulf News: Published: May 10, 2006, 00:00

Dubai: Air-conditioned bus shelters, the city's next landmark development, will be ready before next summer.

"Dubai will be the first city in the world to offer the luxury of air-conditioned bus shelters for passengers," said Mattar Al Tayer, Chief Executive of the city's Roads and Transport Authority (RTA), at the launching ceremony of the prototype shelter.

"The aim is to lure people into using the city's public transport, and ease the pressure on its crowded roads," he said.

Well, I guess taking more cars off the roads will help the environment.........

Lets just hope that the energy saved is enough to aircondition 800 bus shelters...!.

Anti-Chinese Protests

Britain and France have both been swept by a wave of anti Chinese protests in recent days, linked to the arrival of the 2010 Olympic Flame.

Now, speaking personally I would probably - if pushed - express a slight preference for Curry or Pizza. And I am quite partial to a Thai every now and then.

But even so, actually taking to the streets and protesting against Chinese seems to me to mean that someone is taking it all a bit far.

And particularly for the French to do so is even more bizzarre.

Whilst your average Chinese in France is probably a touch bland, Curries in France are uniformly atrocious - the French should get their priorities right and protest against Indian food if anything.

If Primal Scream lived in Chiswick

Spoken section at the beginning of the Track : "Loaded"/Album : Screamdelica

"Just what is it that you want to do? "

"We want to be free! We want to be free to do what we want to do!
We want to be free to ride.
And we want to be free to ride our machines without being hassled by The Man.
And we want to get loaded.
And we want the District line to stop at Turham Green at peak times as well as late nights and early mornings.
And we want to have a good time!
And that’s what we’re gonna do.
We’re gonna have a good time.
We’re gonna have a party!"

If Star Wars was set in West London - Part Deux

The Death Star slowly moves behind the massive yellow surface of Yavin in the foreground, as many X-wing fighters flying in formation zoom toward us and out of the frame. Light from a distant sun creates an eerie atmospheric glow around a huge planet, Yavin. Rebel fighters flying in formation settle ominously in the foreground and very slowly pull away.



INT. RED LEADER STARSHIP - COCKPIT.Red Leader lowers his visor and adjusts his gun sights, looking to each side at his wing men.



RED LEADER : "All wings report in"



INT. ANOTHER COCKPIT.One of the Rebel fighters checks in through his mike.



RED TEN : " Red Ten standing by"



INT. BIGGS' COCKPIT.Biggs checks his fighter's controls, alert and ready for combat.



RED SEVEN (over Biggs' headset) " Red Seven standing by"



BIGGS : "Red Three standing by"



INT. PORKINS' COCKPIT. PORKINS : "Red Six standing by"



RED NINE (over headset) : "Sorry, I'm still stuck on the M4 just coming up to Heston services right now. The traffic's horrendous, but of course John Prescott's bloody bus lane is still empty. Why on earth they wasted all that money to set it up when all it does is create more traffic problems is beyond me!!"



INT. WEDGE'S FIGHTER - COCKPIT.WEDGE : "Red Two standing by"



INT. LUKE'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT.



RED ELEVEN(over headset) : "Red Eleven standing by"



LUKE : " Red Five standing by"



EXT. LUKE'S X-WING FIGHTER. Artoo-Detoo, in position outside of the fighter, turns his head from side to side and makes beeping sounds.



INT. RED LEADER'S FIGHTER - COCKPIT.RED LEADER : "Lock S-foils in attack position - and Red Nine, if you want to risk the cameras in the bus lane, its your call"



EXT. SPACE. The group of X-wing fighters move in formation toward the Death Star, unfolding the wings and locking them in the "X" position, with one fighter still missing from the formation.

If Star Wars was set in West London

A long time ago in a Galaxy just off the Chiswick roundabout...


INTERIOR OF REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER - CORRIDOR

The evil Darth Vader stands amid the broken and twisted bodies of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel Officer by the neck as an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord.

IMPERIAL OFFICER : "The Death Star plans are not in the main computer."

Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who struggles in vain.

VADER : "Where are those transmissions you intercepted? "

Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.

VADER : "What have you done with those plans? "

REBEL OFFICER : "We intercepted no transmissions. Aaah....This is a consular ship. We're on a diplomatic mission. "

VADER : " If this is a consular ship...where is the Ambassador? "

The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns to his troops.

VADER : "Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive! "

The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways.

VADER : "And when you've found them, I know a really good Polish bloke you can call - get him in to re-plaster and re-decorate. He's very cheap and does a great job, much quicker and better than those decorators from the Alderbran System we used on the Death Star. Actually, while you are at it, ask him if his mate Stanislaw - Stan they call him - is free to do a bit of plumbing too. This ship is in a great location, but I really think the resale value would go up significantly if there was another toilet, and if that bathroom on Deck Three had a walk-in shower unit instead of a sunken bath - they are sooo 1980's now"

The commander nods, opens his mobile phone and starts to dial a Hammersmith number..

Welsh Hotel Plumbing

Welsh Hotel Plumbing leaves a little to be desired.

Unless the toilet overflow emptying straight into the bath is normal.....?

Citibank Branch in Delhi

I can't quite put my finger on why, but this is still just plain wrong. And in so many ways...

"Save The Planet" signs in Hotels

Everyone who travels for business or pleasure will be familiar with the gratingly insincere "we want to save the planet so please don't ask us to spend money on washing your towels every day" signs in hotel bathrooms.

However this one from a Las Vegas Hotel I found particularly crass.

Maybe someone should point out to them that the reason Nevada and the South West United States are experiencing extreme drought conditions is because the region where these hotels have been built is actually a f--king desert, and has been for the last several thousand years.

So to experience "extreme drought conditions" should hardly be a great surprise, should it...

BBC Reporter misses a trick

Listing the prospective candidates for the vacant England manager's job, the BBC reporters say this about Italian Marcello Lippi

Lippi masterminded Italy's World Cup win in 2006 and has been a towering presence in Italian club football with Juventus.

But unlike Capello, the 59-year-old says that the language barrier would be a problem.

He says: "I love the Premier League but I don't speak English.

"Considering the way I see and experience football this is a big handicap, because a coach above all guides players and my primary concern is the squad."

Sounds like his English is pretty good to me.....