Friday, September 08, 2006

Kidnapping in Mexico City

Mexico City is the kidnapping capital of the world (lucky Mexico City eh?)

Kidnapping has got so frequent that they now have 24-hour kidnapping. They had to put a time limit on it, as someone worked out that if they had carried on with the old fashioned "keep 'em until they pay up" kidnapping, everyone in the entire city would have been being held by kidnappers by the middle of June 2009.

The latest idea is self-service D-I-Y kidnapping, where you get taken to a cashpoint and you are forced to get your own ransom. Even quicker than 24 hour kidnapping, and saves on phone calls and buying newspapers (to cut the letters out of) too.

Some busy businessmen are now starting to schedule kidnappings for over their lunch hour "Sorry Chico, can't do lunch today, I'm being kidnapped - how about next Wednesday?"

People are arranging to be kidnapped at the same time as their friends - and having (surprise) kidnap parties whilst they are away.

Someone has brought out a new book - "The Kidnapped Diet". Next month the "Try to Escape Workout Video " comes out too.

Online kidnapping will be the next thing - once broadband penetration in Mexico reaches a critical mass. Then you will be able to go online and order your own personalized kidnapper to come to your house at a time of your choosing (in any given two hour window) with a mobile ATM, give you a quick slap round the chops and bob's your uncle, job done.

However, in a city of 20 million people, you can see how the "quickie" kidnap came into being. Imagine Cortez The Kidnapper leaving his suburban hideout, catching the 8:32 train into town, pulling his knife on "El Victimo de Diaz", manhandling them back to the hideout.... and finding a family of 16, complete with blind, deaf Grannie, 2 goats, 3 pigs and a full set of Le Creuset bean re-frying apparatus have moved into the "vacant for half a day" property and are busy setting up a Taco Bell franchise.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

how can you be so cruel. my cousins were kidnaped and killed in mexico city. This a problem not a joke