Friday, July 22, 2005

Airport Security Questions

"Have you packed these bags yourself sir?"

"Could anyone have interfered with them at any time?"

Come on - who's actually listening anymore ? And is asking a obvious, repetitive, predictable questions really going to outwit the average terrorist or master smuggler?

And most stupid of all - "would you like a Window or Aisle seat sir ?"

Lets face it, where you want to sit is actually of no concern to Mr or Mrs "I'm Too Butt Ugly to be Cabin Crew But At Least The People On The Bus Think I Have Got A Glamorous Job"- there are 350 people on the plane, 348 of them got to the airport before you, and you are getting the middle seat, aren't you?

(Unless of course you ask for it...)

So, why not combine these two painful yet utterly pointless experiences and use the opportunity to ask some really useful questions? Questions that could make your flight experience not only safer - but more pleasant and enjoyable too?

How about:

"Have you a particularly weak bladder?"

"Have you ever been prone to bouts of excessive fidgeting?"

"Do you generally dribble to the left or to the right when falling asleep in a high backed uncomfortable chair?"

or, worst of all..

"Have you ever laughed loudly and inappropriately at 2nd rate mildly amusing romantic comedy dramas whilst wearing headphones?"

Then the airlines would have some REALLY useful information to allow them to seat people sensibly...

(if you have any of your own questions you'd like to hear asked, please post them as comments)


Anonymous said...

Of course, in Australia, the citizenship interview now includes the fatal last question: "are you a member of a terrorist organisation". Naturally, being me, I threw my hands up in the air, and muttered.. "got me" to the consternation of the totally humourless Chinese DIMIA Officer.. it took some explaining before she realised I was just kidding, so I wonder how many genuine terrorists that question has tripped up?

Prague Sniper said...

1. Are you a nymphomaniac blonde who wants to join the mile high club? In which case we’ll sit you next to the Madaxeman. (After upgrading you both, of course).

2. If you plan to take those children onto the plane are you willing to guarantee that they will be drugged for the whole flight?

3. (Going to the US) Are you really prepared to stand at JFK for three hours whilst humourless Homeland security/immigration officers make your life a misery.

Anonymous said...

So, your job flying around the world getting to you at all then?